Clomotional

When you are going through fertility treatments, you just never know which way is up when it comes to your emotions. Your moods change from happy to irate to upset in less than 60 seconds flat. I got upset looking at a dead worm today.

Is it because I took the drugs? Are my hormones that messed up? Could I be pregnant? All the typical thoughts of an infertile when she just can't get a grasp on what the hell she is feeling. To put it bluntly, it just sucks.

Some days you feel great, other days there is a cloud over your head just waiting for you to cry buckets. Sometimes over nothing, other times when you realize where you are in your cycle, and you fear the worst. It didn't work.

I read something on a post forum, the lady wrote "we call it clomotional in our house" and that right there was one of the funniest and most true statements ever. Maybe not to a normal fertile myrtle, but to us folks whose reproductive systems are a complete mystery- that is some funny stuff.

It's kind of sad that we have to find humor to get us through the ups and downs of this struggle. If I didn't have my humor, I would most definitely be lying in my bed with the covers over my head, crying those buckets I was talking about before.

Instead, I went to try on clothes and look at stuff I can't buy because fertility treatment costs rule your life. Some days I browse through the clearance sections of the baby clothes, other days I avoid all eye contact with the section. Today was one of the latter.

You just never know when you wake up in the morning, if its going to be a good day or a crying fit kind of day. I try to make the best out of all moods, but I am human and it sometimes gets the best of me.

I just wish sometimes during all this, we could have a sign of some type, that says just around the corner is your happy place bundle of pure joy. It would make it easier. If you could get a card in the mail from God, that just says estimated time of arrival of positive pregnancy test: 6 months. It would make all this pain seem more bearable to just have some sort of insight to the inner workings of a miracle.

As we all know, the birds and the bees + a little science, just doesn't work that way. Oh, infertility- you have won again, for now.