Is it your ever believing faith that it will eventually happen? Is it the motivation that everyone else around you is getting what you want? Is it the look on your husband's face when he says he can't wait to be a father?
WHAT IS IT?!?
For me it's all of the above and then some. I can't really put into words what keeps me positive and grounded. I have my moments where I just cry. I cry for what could of been and what still isn't. I cry out of frustration and I cry out of jealousy.
Then I smile. I smile as I picture holding my child for the first time. I smile as I see my husband staring up at me after giving birth. Our first kiss together as parents. I smile as I picture my toddler running around my living room, and I smile when I think of our family drives with our children in car seats.
So in my pain, there still is a lot of smiling. I have enough faith to get me to the next day, moment, period in my life where I will have what I long for most. To love someone so unconditionally that you would give anything to make them happy, healthy and to feel loved.
I pray every day. Not a moment goes by where I don't think about being pregnant, having a child, being something more than just what I am now.
I know my time will come, one way or another. I'm trying to embrace what I have in life now. Every day is a gift. I want to enjoy all my gifts, whether i'm in the place I thought I would be or not. I have a wonderful partner in life and together we will accomplish our dreams.
