Sometimes it feels like this isn't my life. This isn't our struggle. But it is.
Every month I am met with the same awful period reminding me how I can't get pregnant but letting me know it still exists. I finally had enough. Enough waiting, wondering and thinking that I've done something wrong.
I finally went to my first RE appointment. Another reminder that I live the life of infertile. An infertile who ovulates every month, has a regular cycle and for some reason won't get pregnant.
I've spent so many hours crying and feeling sad for myself, I just don't want that anymore.
I want to feel joyous even in our struggle. I want to be happy. I want to look back and smile at all the wonderful things around me.
So I changed the way I think. In order to live a life of happiness even in the darkest moments, we must be positive. While I still get anxious, still have moments of sadness, I don't let it define me. I don't let it steal my thunder. I move on.
I'm taking control of this struggle.
I am so happy I have finally made the steps I need to, to get to our little miracle. I don't know how it will happen or what measures we will have to take. I am ready.
At the same time, I am also ready to take control of myself and my weight. I have joined a weight loss program that I am so excited to be a part of. I want to be healthy, for me, the people I love and our future children. This is my time to make it all happen. No more living vicariously through others, this is my time now.
