There comes a time in every journey, when one must step back and evaluate the whys, whats, wheres, wants, etc etc.
No journey is ever the same, and your own changes daily. The only people that can make the decision to stop their journey for a while, is you. We have come to a time where we need to take a break and focus on something else, besides making a baby.
My endometriosis is in full force because of all the medications we have been injecting this body with. Our bank account is not where it needs to be, but there is something else that has made me need to stop.
The stress and emotional toll this journey of infertility places on a husband and wife team, is immense. I always vowed that I would NOT let it get in the way of the love I have for my husband. A few weeks back, for the first time in 10 years, we had lots of miscommunication, confusion, frustration- and that's when I knew we needed to reevaluate.
Our current treatment for the past 6 months has not worked. It has caused a lot of self doubt and sadness. It has also pushed me to believe more that IVF is our future. I asked my husband the other night if that's what he wanted to do, or if he wanted to adopt. At this time, we want to put all our energy into making the funds to have a chance at a biological child. Who knows where this will lead us, but until that goal is obtained, we will focus on each other, our health and the love that we share.
As I lay on the bed in the fertility clinic, waiting for our last IUI a few weeks ago, I cried. I didn't want to do this anymore. I cried to my husband that I couldn't do this anymore. He understood and he agreed. We are focusing on our lives and hoping that our future is full of beautiful bright adventures.
Will we stop trying to have a family, absolutely not. It's just a little vacation from the journey. A journey that while it is hard, I would travel a million times to get to my miracle.
