Infertility is.....

Infertility is.....

A struggle that while in my teenage years I always feared, but never thought I'd actually have.

A topic that up until the past few months, I've shied away from talking about. 

A journey that while I didn't expect it, I've embraced all the possibilities it has opened to me.

It's ironic how as you struggle through the ups and downs in life, that something that is so open and raw most of the time, can allow you to be a better person instead of resorting to being jealous and bitter. 

It has taken some time to get through that phase in this journey, the phase where pregnant woman, new babies, baby clothes and anything baby related can trigger a hatred like no other. It has taken a lot of deep breathes, quiet moments, and crying in the bathroom to get to where I am now. 

I can smile at a pregnant belly. While I yearn to be that person, in my heart I feel I will get there when I am meant to, not a day sooner.

I can dream about things I will do with my future kids, like running around to get them to their activities and Saturday outings as a family. 

I can talk to my favorite people in my life who have the most beautiful children, and I can really love their children with my whole heart instead of feeling bad that I am the only one childless.

There are so many wonderful things I can feel and experience while going through this battle called infertility. I feel I am up to the challenge. Not every moment is my "best" moment, but I move forward with an attitude that I am proud of. 

I am proud of my struggle. I am proud of the strength I can show and I am happy that I am making those important steps to get closer to what I desire. 

When I look back on these moments leading up to my first child, I will be able to smile knowing I was given the tools to overcome infertility. 

Infertility is a part of my life and I am a part of it. It does not change who I am, but strengthens the individual I am meant to be for my future children.