Break Up Letter

To my Dearest Deposits of Fat,

We have spent quite a bit of time together. Through the years, we've parted ways only to meet again. You have been very close to me, and I'm sorry to say that it must happen again. We must say goodbye. While I have loved the warmth you have provided me, our relationship has been quite one sided. I just don't like YOU anymore. That is not fair. Relationships are a two way street and you my old friend, are going to be a road less traveled.

In saying goodbye to someone so close, you want to say I'll see you again. I cannot lie. I don't want to see you again, I will not see you again. You need to stay away forever. I could say that I hope you find a friend somewhere else, and I have a few I could send you to but that would be mean.

I just don't want to look at myself and hate you so much. We have bonded for a few years now, you have gotten quite comfortable on my stomach and thighs. It's time for you to get uncomfortable. Sorry that this break up letter isn't more YOU friendly, but it's time for ME to be happy.

Sincerely,
Your Soon to Be Ex-friend