I find it such a challenge to talk to others about this struggle. It may not just be me, it could be the topic itself that is so difficult to bring up in conversation. I find that when I want to express how I feel, others always seem to put a twist on it and compare it to a very different situation. I know it's their way to try to relate to what is going on, but I just don't feel you can relate a fertility issue, lack of pregnancy, and desire for a baby that's not coming so easily- to materialistic things.
I'm not being insensitive to the other issues that are happening to those around me, I just don't understand how you compare apples to cucumbers. Or couches to door knobs. Maybe it's just me. As my mom stated today, those who aren't experiencing reproductive issues, illness or diseases- they should sometimes just stop and listen. They don't know how these things make people feel who are experiencing them because they aren't experiencing them. I couldn't agree more.
The want for a child, it goes deep. It's another life that you want to create. To make your family and your heart whole. I feel like I am missing out on so much right now. I feel that because we are here stuck in this limbo period, that our friends don't know how to "hang out" with us and people sometimes don't know how to talk to us. They just don't.
I picture my future all the time. I dream about watching my kids swim with my friend's kids and their cousins in our pool. I feel the sun on my face and I feel so blessed in that moment. But I'm not there yet. I'm still here, trying to figure out why we aren't getting pregnant and what I can do to make myself healthier.
I've made a commitment to making myself feel better, and be healthier. To make my body prepared for a pregnancy when it does happen. I would love nothing more for it to happen naturally. I pray every day. I only can have faith that I'm doing everything I can to make our miracle happen.
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