I feel like I am reliving last year and it sucks. Why why why?!? Everyone around me gets pregnant so easily and it just isn't working for us. A year ago, I find out I was pregnant and then the spotting started. Everyone around me was celebrating their pregnancies and I was crumbling. Here I am again, in April a year later, all those around me are playing with their babies and I just finally made "the call."
The call to my doctor to say this isn't working.
It has been 24 cycles since we started to try for our first little miracle. Every month, instead of two beautiful pink lines, I am greeted with my period. Definitely not beautiful.
To say I feel crushed, basically sums up all my feelings into one word. Im frustrated, sad, disappointed, mad, resentful, upset, defeated.
I am not giving up though. All those feelings, while I may have them, I do know that there is a plan for us and I just have to learn to accept how I feel and try to be patient with the process.
I know this journey isn't going to be easy, it hasn't been so far. But I also know that I have a wonderful man besides me who is cheering us both on. It breaks my heart that I am not making him a dad yet. But I will.
I am going to limit my talking to certain individuals to a minimum because it just upsets me more. I know who I can confide in, cry with, who won't judge me or piss me off.
They never said life was perfect, this is our fight. We are going to win it, one way or another.
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